When someone we love passes away, the funeral service itself is often just one part of how we come together to say goodbye. For many families, the gathering that follows is equally important. It is a time to breathe, to share memories, to find comfort in one another’s company, and simply to be together after what is often one of the hardest days of your life.
That gathering is known as a wake, and whilst most people have attended one, fewer know much about its history or how to go about planning one. We hope this guide helps to answer some of those questions, and reassures you that there is no one right way to do it.
What Is a Wake?
A wake is a gathering held after a funeral service, typically to honour the life of the person who has died and to bring family and friends together in a more informal setting. It gives people the opportunity to talk, to share stories, to eat and drink together, and to support one another through their grief.
The word itself has old roots. In earlier centuries, a wake referred to the practice of keeping watch over the body of the deceased before burial, often through the night. Family and friends would gather to sit with their loved one, partly out of respect, partly out of the practical need to ensure the person had truly passed, and partly to offer company to those who were mourning. Over time, the tradition evolved into the gathering we recognise today.
Wakes are held across many cultures and religions, though the form they take can vary enormously. Some are quiet and reflective. Others are lively celebrations of a life well lived. Most fall somewhere in between, and all of them are valid.
Does a Wake Have to Be a Formal Affair?
Not at all. This is perhaps the most important thing to understand. A wake can be as simple or as elaborate as your family wishes. There are no rules about where it must be held, what must be served, or how long it should last.
What matters is that it feels right for the person you are remembering and for the family who are gathering. Some people will want a quiet afternoon at home with close family. Others will want to fill a village hall with everyone their loved one ever knew. Both are equally meaningful, and everything in between is just as fitting.
If you feel uncertain about what to do or where to start, please do speak to us. We are always happy to talk things through and help you think about what might feel right for your family.
Where Can a Wake Be Held?
The most common venues for a wake include:
At home. Gathering at the family home, or at the home of a close relative, has a warmth and intimacy that is hard to replicate elsewhere. It is a familiar environment, which can be comforting, and it allows the gathering to unfold naturally rather than to a venue’s schedule. It does require some preparation, but many families find it the most meaningful option.
At a local pub or hotel. Many pubs and hotels in North Wales are experienced in hosting post-funeral gatherings and will often be willing to set aside a private room or area. This takes much of the logistical pressure away from the family, and can be a good option when a larger number of people are expected.
At a village hall or community centre. If you are expecting a large number of guests, or if you would like space for a more personal or themed gathering, a hired venue gives you flexibility. You can bring your own food and decorations, and arrange the space in a way that feels true to the person you are honouring.
At a place of significance. Some families choose a location that held meaning for their loved one. A favourite restaurant, a sports club they belonged to, or even an outdoor space that they loved. This can be a beautiful way to connect the gathering with the person at the heart of it.
What Happens at a Wake?
There is no fixed order of events, and a wake does not need to be structured in the way a funeral service is. Generally, guests arrive, help themselves to food and drink, and spend time talking. Conversations will naturally turn to memories of the person who has died, and this is one of the most precious things about a wake. Stories surface that not everyone knew. People who had not seen each other for years reconnect. Laughter happens alongside tears, and that is entirely as it should be.
Some families choose to incorporate a few gentle touches that make the occasion feel more personal:
- A display of photographs, perhaps arranged on a table or a board, celebrating the person’s life across different stages
- A memory box or book where guests can write down a favourite memory or a few words
- Music that the person loved playing softly in the background
- A favourite food or drink that the person always enjoyed
- Flowers or decorations that reflect their personality or passions
- A short, informal opportunity for anyone who would like to say a few words
None of these are required. They are simply ideas that some families find meaningful. The most important thing is that people feel welcome and at ease.
How Long Does a Wake Last?
There is no fixed answer to this. A wake might last two hours or it might stretch into the evening, depending on the family’s wishes and the venue. Most tend to be two to four hours, giving people enough time to arrive, settle, talk, and say their goodbyes without the day feeling rushed. If you are holding the wake at a venue, they will usually advise you on timing when you make your arrangements.
Who Is Invited?
A wake is generally open to anyone who attended the funeral service, and sometimes to people who were unable to attend but wished to pay their respects. There is no strict guest list etiquette. Some families prefer a small, close gathering of immediate family and dear friends. Others welcome anyone who knew and cared for the person who has died. You know your family and the person you are honouring better than anyone, and your instincts about this are likely to be right.
Food and Drink
Food at a wake does not need to be elaborate. Light refreshments are perfectly appropriate, and many families choose a simple spread of sandwiches, finger food, tea, coffee, and perhaps something a little stronger for those who would like it.
If the person who has died had a favourite food or a recipe they were known for, incorporating it can be a lovely and touching detail. A tin of Welsh cakes, a particular biscuit they always had in the house, or a dish that everyone associates with them can bring a quiet sense of comfort and recognition to the room.
If you are holding the wake at a pub or hotel, they will often provide a set menu for gatherings of this kind, which can take a great deal of the preparation away from you.
A Note on Welsh Traditions
Here in North Wales, and in Welsh communities more broadly, the gathering after a funeral has long been an important part of how communities come together in times of loss. The tradition of neighbours, friends and members of the chapel or community bringing food to the family home remains alive in many parts of Wales, and it speaks to something deeply generous in the way people here support one another.
If you are planning a wake in the Welsh tradition, or if you would simply like the gathering to feel connected to the community your loved one was part of, do not hesitate to lean into that. It is something to be proud of, and it can bring a great deal of comfort to those who are grieving.
You Do Not Have to Do This Alone
Planning a wake, on top of everything else that comes with losing someone, can feel like a great deal to carry. Please remember that you do not have to manage all of it by yourself. Lean on family and friends where you can, and do not be afraid to ask for help with the practical details.
We are also always here if you need guidance or simply someone to talk things through with. At Dewi Glyn Jones Funeral Directors, our role does not end when the service is over. We care about the families we work with, and we are always glad to help in whatever way we can.
If you would like to speak to us about any aspect of arranging a funeral or a gathering afterwards, please do get in touch and we will always make time for you.